My 17-yr-old daughter wrote this poem for me on Mothers Day, my heart melted.

*Moms, this is the stuff that matters to them. Just be there, and be yourself. ?

___________________________________________________________________

Mom

I love you

You just make things so much freakin’ damn better

When things are down

you are always there

You allow me to feel shitty

And then right after

I don’t even have to force a smile

You do random dance moves

And say random things that don’t make any sense

And it may annoy me

But that’s what I love about you

You don’t care

And you keep bing your

Weird

Quirky

Empowering

Intelligent self

No matter what

You set your mind to something

and you do it

You get out and try shit

If you wanna run a marathon

You will run it

You challenge yourself every day

And try so many things

You take yourself on wild adventures

and have such a curious mind

You love to learn new things

You have a heart of gold

And are so capable

Of helping anyone out

Your hugs make me feel at home

Your smile makes me feel safe

Your presence makes me

Relaxed and just all fuzzy inside

You are the best mom ever

I wouldn’t trade you for anything at all

I mean it from the bottom of my heart

I can’t wait to go on many more adventures with you

And she a few more tears and smile

While singing or watching a musical

Or two

Oh momma mia

I really really love you

~ Jasmine Lockhart (age 17)

And yes, she gave me permission to post this poem ?

How to Talk to Your Teenage Daughter about Sex

Ask any parent of a teenager, especially teen girls and 9 times out of 10, they haven’t talked to their girls about sex even though they know their daughters are around sex, being influenced and maybe in a potential situation to have it.

It’s a sensitive topic that is mostly avoided due to the conundrum – fear of encouraging and fear of misleading.  Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.  The sad thing is, most parents secretly feel if they don’t say anything, and something happens, they won’t have to take the blame.  And mostly they don’t want to believe that their little angels are growing up!

The truth is we want to educate our daughters about sex but often the fears show up as:

a) I don’t want to encourage them to do it – they are too young!

b) I’m not comfortable with it myself, so I don’t know what to say.

c) I feel so out of touch with what’s happening in this day and age, I think she could get better educated ‘online’.

Avoiding, rather than parenting becomes a pretty common theme in this area, and it’s only hurting our girls and stealing away an opportunity for us to open up an extremely important conversation with our children that can have a lifelong impact on their health and relationships.

In my adult years, I have talked to many grown women about pleasure, owning our sexuality, orgasms, vibrators, loving their bodies but as my teenage daughters were reaching  their mid-teen years (15 & 16 yrs old) and although we’ve had small conversations about boyfriends, protection, body loving etc., I still hadn’t jumped into the full conversation of self-pleasuring, and self-respect and of course, preparing for sex.

I’ve mentioned (probably more aptly called a rant) that because porn has become so available and mainstream, that most likely whomever my daughters eventually end up dating, will have watched it and these young boys or girls will think they know everything about sex and it will then be up to my daughters to reframe the situation, open the conversation and create an experience that honours both themselves and the young souls they are with.  This is where the new version of the “sex talk” needs to come in.  My daughters won’t be able to speak up and stand up if they haven’t learned the basics of self love, self pleasure and self respect outside of the media messages.

This is where the new version of the “sex talk” needs to come in.  My daughters won’t be able to speak up and stand up if they haven’t learned the basics of self-love, self-pleasure, and self-respect outside of the media messages.

A few months ago I put aside some very high-quality vibrators and some deep empowering thoughts.  Time for me to teach and share instead of pondering. It was time for me to open the conversation fully.

I started by putting my deepest desire for my daughter’s experiences into one sentence.

“I wish for you to experience all the joy possible; your body, heart and soul has a massive capacity for pleasure, love and joy so go out and play, experiment and know that it’s a journey, not a destination!”

And then the details came together.  Sex education now needs to be pleasure education. Fighting against the messages from media, porn, society, religions and everything else that encourages body hate, shame, and submission.  More than ever we need to be examples and messengers to our daughters about the wonders of their bodies, the blessings of intimacy and it starts as a personal relationship.

I’m teaching my daughters that their most important job right now is to get to know and love their body.  Learn what brings pleasure and builds their desires and follow that.  If that’s the one gift I can give them, I know they can always come back to that.

Plus, it’s a good reminder for me.  Yes, I’m a middle-aged mom and I need a reminder to fall back in love with my body, and seek pleasure first.  Might as well be an example.

Want a copy of my letter to my daughters? I put it into a little, downloadable PDF here:

love-yourself-first-a-teen-girls-guide-to-sexual-pleasure-self-love-and-authentic-body-confidence

 

What do you think is the most important thing a teenage girl should learn about sex, or what is one thing you wish you had heard from your momma?

How do you celebrate your daughter getting her first period?

This thought has been on my mind lately as I have 2 daughters reaching menstruation age…and I really feel the introduction is really important. Not knowing what to do exactly as I was basically shown the tampon and pads box under the sink by my sister (my mother didn’t even chat with me about it at all) and that was it! I’d really like to create an experience for my daughter that will shine a positive light on this definitive part of being a women, and in doing so I can maybe help her embrace her feminine side instead of seeing it as society often labels it…an annoyance (the curse! :O)

First things first, menarche (pronounced men-are-kee, although some people say men-ark) is the name given to the very first period a girl gets. After menarche you get a period roughly every month (once they settle into a routine) until you get to about 45 or so and then you stop. That’s a pretty long time, right? If you’re going to get something every month isn’t it worth making it special?

Studies have shown that girls who feel good about their periods, and puberty, have a much better time growing up.  They also do better at school and go on to lead fabulous lives.

Girls who can talk to their parents about periods etc. and who celebrate things as a family are likely to be happier and are more likely to achieve their goals in life.

I started by looking at what other countries around the globe do…

Different countries and cultures have different ways of celebrating menarche, here are some of them:

Africa

If you were born into the Asante community you would get a big party for menarche and be showered with gifts. There would be lots of singing and dancing and you would be made to feel very special.

In the Mossi community the Mossi women take time off during menstruation and pursue their own creative projects or visit friends.

Japan

Traditionally in Japan when a girl gets her first period the family celebrate by eating red rice and beans.

Australia

In Australia the Aboriginal girls are traditionally washed and have intricate and beautiful body art applied. The women also take time to explain to the girls about feminine power and the changes they will go through.

Sri Lanka

If you were born in Sri Lanka then the exact time and date of your first period would be recorded so that an astrologer could chart your future. You would then be washed, dressed in white and given gifts to celebrate this special time.

As you can see lots of cultures celebrate menarche and there’s various companies and groups popping up in the western world as well, as mothers seek to help their daughters embrace their femininity in a positive light.

I found some ideas for menarche celebrations…

~ throw a fabulous party with hers & your best girlfriends
~ have a super sparkly sleepover with pink lemonade and cupcakes
~ go out to a really nice restaurant
~ get her ears pierced
~ have a grown-up dinner party for your BFF’s
~ go shopping and buy a truly fabulous new outfit
~ go to the theatre and watch a great musical like Legally Blonde or Mama Mia!
~ have a girls only evening with mum, aunts, grandma and girlfriends to celebrate how amazing being a girl is.

Wiki also gave some good steps:

1.  Offer to tell her all about your own experience; don’t be offended if she doesn’t want to know. It’s very personal and may embarrass her.

2.  Plan her favourite meal at home or take her out for a meal in an expensive restaurant.

3.  Mark the date down in your planner and mark it on her calendar, so she’ll know when to expect her next period. Periods may be irregular, especially at first, so remind her of that, too, and don’t panic if the next one doesn’t arrive right on schedule.  OR…help her download a period tracking app like iPeriod (or similar).

4.  Give her a book about dealing with periods and puberty and let her read it by herself, if she chooses. Answer any questions she may have. Don’t forget to talk about related hygiene, and health matters, including dealing with cramps and periods in general. One popular book is “The Care and Keeping of You” from the American Girl library. You can get it at Barnes and Noble or Border’s. It is how to care for your body as a girl and a great section about tampons and pads etc. Also, “The Period Book” is a simple yet very informative book with a little more than the basics for everything relating to pre-and post-first period. You may want to give this to her before her first period, so she knows what to expect. Another favorite is Dear Abby’s booklet, “What Every Teen Should Know.”  – Side note…who here learned everything they needed to know from Judy Blume’s book “Are you there God – it’s me Margaret?” – I did!!

5.  In a pretty little box or basket, collect a selection the different types of pads she might want to use. Label the ones for nighttime, heavy, or light or medium. Present it to her privately; don’t announce it to the world.

6.  Don’t forget period panties that are leak-proof and breathable. It will ensure her a stain-free period and protect her clothes and sheets from staining.

7.  If your daughter is shy and really doesn’t want to talk about it, just give her a book or write a note. Don’t hug her in public for no reason, don’t exclaim that she’s ‘growing up’, nothing like that! If you feel it necessary, get her some flowers. Lavender is supposed to help ease mood-swings… but she doesn’t need to know that.

8.  If she is nervous show her that nothing changed so much, her life will be the same and she still will be able to do things she like, ex. going to the beach, playing sports.

And some tips of advice…because every situation, relationship and experience is different:

~She may get embarrassed, so do not be offended.

~She may not want it to be celebrated, so support her by giving her the space or alone time she may need.

~Make sure she understands what it’s all about, and understands how to handle it and handle it hygiene-wise too.

~Give her chocolate and bananas, which help calm cramps.

~If she seems perfectly calm, she probably is – leave her be but mention you’re always there if she wants advice.

~She might be moody. It’s her period, after all.

~It’s best to remain neutral, but it really depends on her reaction.

~Try not to share your negative experiences too vividly, or she might take them on as her own story. Allow her to create her own experience – and starting with a positive outlook is a huge benefit.

~Just be yourself around others but near her make sure she knows she can tell you or ask you anything.

My daughter is a little shy so I asked her recently how she would like to celebrate getting her period when it comes…she shrugged her shoulders “Why?” – whew!! Think I have some more momma-daughter chat work to do 😉  Time to turn this into a positive,  momentous occasion and I feel lucky that I still have a chance to do that!

If you have any ideas, rituals or thoughts, I’d love to hear from  you.  Post a quick comment and share your thoughts.

It's a momma's job to share the joys of being a woman. Love these two so much!

It’s a momma’s job to share the joys of being a woman. Love these two so much!

 

 

 

Here’s a couple more ideas from Amazon, if you’re interested.

This little kit is a great gift to have on hand.

  • The Dot Girl First Period Answer Book – answers questions such as ‘When will I get my first period?’
  • My Period Diary – included in the Period Answer Book allows girls to track their period over the first year
  • Five feminine hygiene pads so she is ready on the first day along with five disposal bags to learn proper disposal of used pads
  • A reusable Dot Girl gel heating pad for soothing cramps
  • Two hand wipes in case she is caught away from a bathroom

The Dot Girl First Period Kit

 

 

 

With this book comes a detachable Parent’s Guide will lead them through the learning process for themselves and their daughters—and even their sons.

The Parent’s Guide can also be found in its entirety on the Book Peddlers website at www.bookpeddlers.com. In it you will find:

• Talking About Menstruation • What’s The Right Age To Share Information? • Who Begins?
• What About The Boys? • Creating Your Own Right-of-Passage.

Period.: A Girl’s Guide

 

 

 

Have your teen prepared!

  • This one of a kind kit includes some of todays best period products: U by Kotex Regular Pads, U by Kotex MultiPack Click Regular/Super Tampons and U by Kotex Liners. SW Basics Lip Balm, Plus a Baggu Zip Pouch to organize supplies
  • No longer will you have to dig in your purse to find what you need. It’s all in one place!
  • Surprise Gifts and Goodies! Everyone Loves getting Wonderful Surprises!
  • Every Girl Should Have One. Treat your period right.

Signature Period Kit – Trust HelloFlo to care for all your needs with this menstrual care package.